What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?
General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did...

Help line:	"General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"
Customer:	"I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
Help line:	"Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer:	"What's an ignition?"
Help line:	"It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer:	"Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
Help line:	"General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"
Customer:	"My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
Help line:	"Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer:	"Huh? How do I know?"
Help line:	"There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer:	"It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
Help line:	"It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
Customer:	"What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
Help line:	"General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"
Customer:	"Your cars suck!"
Help line:	"What's wrong?"
Customer:	"It crashed, that's what wrong!"
Help line:	"What were you doing?"
Customer:	"I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now!"
Help line:	"It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer:	"I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more!"
Help line:	"General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"
Customer:	"Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
Help line:	"Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer:	"How do I work it?"
Help line:	"Do you know how to drive?"
Customer:	"Do I know how to what?"
Help line:	"Do you know how to drive?"
Customer:	"I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"

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