Virus Alerts!
Viruses you should know about:

• Ellen Degeneres Virus: Your IBM suddenly claims it's a Mac.
• Monica Lewinsky Virus: Sucks all the memory out of you computer.
• Titanic Virus: Makes your whole computer go down.
• Disney Virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
• Mike Tyson Virus: Quits after one byte.
• Prozac Virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
• Sharon Stone Virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.
• Lorena Bobbit Virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5" floppy.
• Tim Allen Virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.
• Woody Allen Virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
• Saddam Hussein Virus: Won't let you into any of your programs.
• Tonya Harding Virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
• George Michael Virus: Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.
• Joey Buttafuoco Virus: Only attacks minor files.
• X-Files Virus: All your Icons start shape shifting.
• Spice Girl Virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
• Ronald Reagan Virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
• Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus: Searches your hard drive for old files then deletes them.
• Sony Bono Virus: Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of no where.
• Martha Stewart Virus: Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.
• Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
• AT&T Virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
• MCI Virus: Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

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