Marriage Vows To Marriage Woes

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

-- Anonymous

How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.

During a heated spat over finances the husband said, "Well, if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid." The wife fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah??? Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights... and so does she.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, I'm still paying."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

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