Data's Jokes

Murphy's Laws Of Combat

Murphy's Laws Of Combat

  1. You are not a superman.
  2. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
  3. Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers are called, "Bomb Magnets.")
  4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
  5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
  6. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
  7. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
  8. No plan survives the first contact intact.
  9. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.
  10. Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on ammo.
  11. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.
  12. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
  13. The important things are always simple.
  14. The simple things are always hard.
  15. The easy way out is always mined.
  16. If you are short of everything except the enemy, you are in combat.
  17. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
  18. Incoming fire has the right of way.
  19. Friendly fire - isn't.
  20. If the enemy is in range, "SO ARE YOU!!!!"
  21. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
  22. Beer math is: two beers times 37 men = 49 cases.
  23. Body count math is: two guerillas plus one portable plus two pigs = 37 enemy killed in action.
  24. Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together.
  25. Radio's will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
  26. Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing.
  27. Tracers work both ways.
  28. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
  29. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
  30. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
  31. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
  32. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
  33. Murphy was a grunt.

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