You Know You're at Home in Arizona When...

• You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
• You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over 100 degrees.
• You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
• You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
• You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
• You can make sun tea instantly.
• You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
• You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
• You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
• You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
• You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
• You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
• The reporters, trying to prove a point, actually BURN the egg they're cooking on the sidewalk.
• Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
• You can pronounce the words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila Bend", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", "Cholla", and "Tlaquepaque".
• It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
• You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
• You give up on the idea of washing your car until October, because the dust storms will just get it dirty again anyway.
• You know what a dust devil is.
• Umbrellas are not for rain. In fact, they aren't waterproof.
• Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less the 30spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go to Circle K.
• You know the real name of the Phoenix daily newspapers (Repugnant & Gazoo).
• Some fool can market minimisters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them.
• Eight Scottish bagpipers from Canada, dressed in full regalia, pass out from heat prostration in February.
• A parade for the Phoenix Suns is held at 12:00 noon in June and 500,000 people turn out in 110 degree weather.
• Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
• A main form of recreation for teenagers is ice blocking down hills.
• No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
• Convertibles are not a status symbol. They are a sign of blind vanity.
• You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't remember the name of the incumbent.
• You can understand the reason for a town named "Why."

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